1 Month Postpartum, 18 Years to Go

IMG_8654
I thought it would be fun to share with you the unexpected reality I am facing as a new mommy. Try not to laugh too hard at some of the things I thought vs. the way things REALLY went down.
  • My labor was going to be under 12 hours and I was still going to be glowing when it was over. Nope.  Labor was almost 24 hours long and I immediately lost the glow, immediately.
  • We would come home from the hospital to maintain a clean and organized home.  Haha! The house screams “I never got the ‘nesting’ bug and we are just trying to survive with a newborn on barely any sleep!” All good though, that’s why we have the cleaning lady on speed dial.
  • I would sleep more that 5 hours total in a day and yes, I would still be glowing. Yeah, right! The glow was gone the minute I gave birth and it’s like striking gold if I can get an additional 30 mins of shut eye! (Which I occasionally do, thanks to my dear husband).
  • I would quickly be back in the gym, surfing, and regain my post pregnancy body in a flash. While I am absolutely happy with my slow but steady progress, none of that has happened yet. I have lost some weight from breastfeeding but no go on the gym or surf action. I am still awaiting approval from my midwife to get back to my fitness routines. I have started very light workout routines while holding my baby  to entertain him or put him to sleep. (Two birds, one stone)
  • I would continue my excellent eating habits that I picked up during my GD phase. Also a NOPE. Since breastfeeding is compared to running a 5k marathon, I am HUNGRY, a lot. So the first couple of weeks I ate like crap. Good news is, I’m slowly making a comeback and making healthier meals at home.  It feels good.
  • I would lose patches of my hair due to fluctuating hormones. So far the hair gods have been on my side. My hair has always had my back and it’s been staying put for now.
  • I would be able to wear my closet full of pre-pregnancy clothes by now.  Although I have not been wearing leggings as often, there is no way in hell I can get into any of my jeans that I miss so much. If I am not at home in panties and a nursing bra, I’m wearing a bathing suit, maybe some shorts, and/or a graphic tee of some sort. There is still a closet full of the old me waiting for the new me.
    IMG_8592

    MAMA BIRD Tee from Mama Bird & Co

    Some things I never even thought of that are becoming apparent:I never thought I would be okay with being puked, farted, pooped, or peed on. Somehow it doesn’t bother me one bit. Now I am sure that it would be a completely different story if it weren’t my adorable offspring. LOL. I never imagined that I would cherish and desire sleep the way I do now. I never thought I would try so hard to put my child to sleep only to obsess over when he will wake again.  Last but not least, I NEVER imagined that I could love anything as much as I love my little dude. (Even if he is bossy and sometimes mean as can be).

3_baby-OFFICER

SEE? SUPER MEAN!

 

Party Is Over

I had always perceived the news of a baby on the way as one of the most exciting things to experience and share with the world! Why was I so afraid to tell anyone and remain in denial?  I had miscarried before, so maybe it was fear of telling everyone and then having to break the news that it wasn’t really happening at all.  Maybe it was because I did not want to accept that I had not PLANNED this and I was not in CONTROL  of when we conceived. The further along I got into the pregnancy I realized that I was simply not ready to deal with the fact that the party was over. Good bye date nights, sushi, TEQUILA, surfing, and anything else I enjoyed. That’s what ran through my pregnant head, I was not ready to stop my life and dedicate it to someone else full time. I started to become embarrassed that I was not ecstatic about the news and felt so guilty I cried for days.

Up to his point, for the first time in almost a decade I started to experience freedom.  I had been my mother’s care taker since 2008 when she had her 1st stroke. I did not get to travel or take certain opportunities due to her illnesses and it just got worse. This year was the year we got the help we needed so that I could live the life I was supposed to, then this happened. Not even a year of complete freedom, not even a full year of a honeymoon stage in my marriage, and now we have a baby on the way we were NOT ready to have.  I could sense that my husband was having the same feelings. There were many different emotions but none were happy nor excited.  I couldn’t help but feel that we had royally screwed up and our lives were going to be filled with stress and boredom.   I had no clue that I would eventually feel the way I do today and have this amazing story to tell.

Can you pick up a bottle of tequila on your way home? BTW, I think I’m pregnant.

My husband and I were on a roll.  Working long days and late nights, weekends and doubles, we saved our money, packed our bags and made it to San Diego.  We took up surfing and fell in love with the California weather all over again. Wednesdays were our date nights at the local reggae joint, we fished during the day when we weren’t surfing and we finally found a place to plant our roots.  It was so refreshing to enjoy our marriage and reap the benefits of our hard work.  This went on for a few months, just living the life that we so deserved. It was a weekend in September when I went away for a freelance job and something felt different. I had a glass or three…of tequila to help me relax before bed.  I woke in the middle of the night, not buzzed or a bit tired. I made it home the next evening, settled in and called the hubby. “Can you pick up a bottle of tequila on the way home?  BTW, I think I’m pregnant.” I couldn’t wait for him to get home because all I wanted was a nice shot of tequila to warm my soul before I hit the sack(and of course I missed him). I quickly take the pregnancy test that he also bought with the tequila, and the result revealed positive before I could even finish reading the box.  I panicked.  I peed on the second test, another instant POSITIVE. I came out of the bathroom, looked at my husband and began to cry. You should have seen his face. I felt horrible, why am I crying and not jumping up and down with excitement? Why does he look like he just lost a bunch of money at the casino? If we were going to be so disappointed, maybe we should have been using a contraceptive and not the unreliable “pull out method.” Needless to say, that bottle of tequila was never opened and our lives have not been the same since.