Congratulations! You have Gestational Diabetes!

By week 12 of the pregnancy enough time had gone by that my husband and I started to digest the changes that were coming. We were even starting to get a little excited. Let the doctor visits, blood testing, and pregnancy education begin!

As a young lady, one of the things you hear about pregnancy is the crazy cravings that pregnant women have and are allowed to satisfy without judgement. Fine. I’m pregnant. I wasn’t ready, but hey let’s try and look at the bright side…I love to eat and I can’t wait to pig out on some weirdness! I always knew that I wanted to be careful about what I consumed while bearing a child, but at the same time I was looking forward to sending my husband to the store for some gummy bears dipped in peanut butter, covered in spicy chocolate. As time went by all I really craved was cucumbers, tomatoes, apples, and grapefruit! Some days I would even be a wild child and throw them all in one bowl, with a squeeze of lime, and a sprinkle of Tajin. (If you don’t know what Tajin is, look it up. It’s a game changer.) Before the  pregnancy I was not a carb person and I almost never had a sweet tooth. I only ate the insides of my sandwiches, refusing bread involuntarily on a regular basis. Pasta, I could do occasionally but never intentionally, and pizza – forget about it. I was a huge soda and potato chip fan at one point but quit both a good year and half before my pregnancy, once I realized that I was on the road to rotting my guts out.

At around week 13 or 14 I had my first round of blood tests along with my first round of cravings, Sour Belts!!! I needed them to be the belts, not the straws or some silly fruit shaped sour candy. I wanted pink lemonade and green apple sour belts. Rice. I needed a bowl of rice, with melted butter and soy sauce mixed into it, every day.  If you are Korean and grew up in a low income household you know exactly what I’m talking about. Otherwise I’m sure it sounds gross. Pizza, okay I’ll have some pizza now. This went on for about a week or so until I received THE CALL. My fasting glucose number was elevated and the hospital wanted me to start monitoring my glucose four times a day.  I was being treated as a patient with gestational diabetes.

This news crushed me. I have always been healthier than most, so it also surprised me. Where I live, if you have diabetes and need medication to control it, you are disqualified from giving birth at a birth center. This is what we wanted and the only way to make this wish come true was to control my diabetes with a strict diet and exercise. What a fu*#ing bummer. Not only do I have to stay away from my cravings but I also need to attend a three hour class so they can teach me what to eat and when. Let’s not leave out the pricking of fingers four times a day, logging my meals and snacks, along with my glucose reading an hour after each meal. Are you kidding me? Where am I going to find the time to measure out and  plan meals? What the f**k am I supposed to eat now?


Party Is Over

I had always perceived the news of a baby on the way as one of the most exciting things to experience and share with the world! Why was I so afraid to tell anyone and remain in denial?  I had miscarried before, so maybe it was fear of telling everyone and then having to break the news that it wasn’t really happening at all.  Maybe it was because I did not want to accept that I had not PLANNED this and I was not in CONTROL  of when we conceived. The further along I got into the pregnancy I realized that I was simply not ready to deal with the fact that the party was over. Good bye date nights, sushi, TEQUILA, surfing, and anything else I enjoyed. That’s what ran through my pregnant head, I was not ready to stop my life and dedicate it to someone else full time. I started to become embarrassed that I was not ecstatic about the news and felt so guilty I cried for days.

Up to his point, for the first time in almost a decade I started to experience freedom.  I had been my mother’s care taker since 2008 when she had her 1st stroke. I did not get to travel or take certain opportunities due to her illnesses and it just got worse. This year was the year we got the help we needed so that I could live the life I was supposed to, then this happened. Not even a year of complete freedom, not even a full year of a honeymoon stage in my marriage, and now we have a baby on the way we were NOT ready to have.  I could sense that my husband was having the same feelings. There were many different emotions but none were happy nor excited.  I couldn’t help but feel that we had royally screwed up and our lives were going to be filled with stress and boredom.   I had no clue that I would eventually feel the way I do today and have this amazing story to tell.